The item below is just one of many delights you can find at Amanda's blog: Inflated v. Concise.
Showing posts with label Writing Tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Writing Tips. Show all posts
Thursday, August 30, 2018
Resource: Amanda Patterson on Inflated v. Concise
Amanda Patterson's blog is full of wonderful stuff for writers, and you can use the Random Tumblr feature to pull up a random post. Amanda is also at Google+ if you want to follow her there.
The item below is just one of many delights you can find at Amanda's blog: Inflated v. Concise.
The item below is just one of many delights you can find at Amanda's blog: Inflated v. Concise.
Sunday, February 11, 2018
Resource: Edit Ruthlessly
It is far more difficult to write something short than to write something long. If you can learn how to edit down your writing, you will have learned a very valuable skill! Here are some webpages with tips:
Not edited (54 words): Somebody has said that words are a lot like inflated money - the more of them that you use, the less each one of them is worth. Right on. Go through your entire letter just as many times as it takes. Search out and annihilate all unnecessary words and sentences - even entire paragraphs.
Edited ruthlessly (39 words): Somebody said that words are like inflated money - the more you use, the less each one is worth. Go through your entire letter as many times as it takes. Annihilate all unnecessary words, sentences - even paragraphs.
- Shorten Your Writing with Action Verbs
- Shortening Prose
- How to Shorten Your College Essay Without Ruining It!
- Improve the Readability of Your Writing
- How to Avoid Going Over an Essay Word Limit
- Trouble Sticking to Your Word Count? Try These Editing Tricks
Not edited (54 words): Somebody has said that words are a lot like inflated money - the more of them that you use, the less each one of them is worth. Right on. Go through your entire letter just as many times as it takes. Search out and annihilate all unnecessary words and sentences - even entire paragraphs.
Edited ruthlessly (39 words): Somebody said that words are like inflated money - the more you use, the less each one is worth. Go through your entire letter as many times as it takes. Annihilate all unnecessary words, sentences - even paragraphs.
Friday, April 1, 2016
The Fantasy Fiction Formula Podcast
Deborah Chester is the director of OU's Professional Writing program! Here is a blurb about this podcast: The Fantasy Fiction Formula Podcast.
In this, the first of six podcasts about The Fantasy Fiction Formula, George Miller talks to its author Deborah Chester, who offers advice and tips for aspiring fantasy authors acquired in the course of a writing career that has seen her publish over 40 books, including the Ruby Throne Trilogy. In this first programme they talk about some underlying principles of fiction and Deborah suggests ways new writers can build their confidence.
In this, the first of six podcasts about The Fantasy Fiction Formula, George Miller talks to its author Deborah Chester, who offers advice and tips for aspiring fantasy authors acquired in the course of a writing career that has seen her publish over 40 books, including the Ruby Throne Trilogy. In this first programme they talk about some underlying principles of fiction and Deborah suggests ways new writers can build their confidence.
Friday, January 15, 2016
Grow Your Writing: Revision Challenges
Here are some revision challenges to help you work on your writing. Do you have some ideas for other editing challenges I can add to this list? Let me know!
Sharpen and focus. If your story is longer than 800 words or so, challenge yourself to reduce the length by 100 words. That might mean tinkering with the story sentence by sentence (these short and sweet revision strategies might help), or it might mean deciding to leave out a part of the story.
Expand your story. If your shorter than 800 words right now, challenge yourself to make it longer by another 100 words or so, but staying within the max. length of 1000 words. You might add some dialogue to the story, work on describing the characters or setting, or add on to the beginning of the story (are there prior events you could include?) or expand on the ending (are there later events that could fit?).
Start strong; end strong. Does your story have a fantastic first paragraph and a fantastic final paragraph? What about the very first sentence and the very final sentence: are they both excellent? For this writing challenge, focus on the beginning and ending of your story to make them both as strong as possible.
Story titles. The story title is actually a very important part of the story. Is the story title doing a good job of pulling your reader in and setting the mood, but without giving too much away? Is the title too short, or maybe too long? As you accumulate stories in your project, are the titles fitting together nicely? If you are doing a Storybook, have you found a good title for the Storybook itself? (Make sure to let me know if you want me to change the Storybook title on the class list.)
Visual details. The more you can share your imaginary vision with us, helping us to see what you see, the bigger the impression your story will make. Try to weave visual details into your story, using some well-chosen words or phrases to describe the characters, action, and setting. If you don't already have a clear picture in your mind's eye, use some images to inspire your description: even if you are not using the images as illustrations in your story, you can use them to inspire your writing!
Illustrations. See if your illustrations are well integrated into the story: are you happy with the illustration(s) you are using? do you need more? can you use the illustration(s) to prompt some more detailed description in the writing? You can also use this challenge to check on the sizing of your images, the placement of the images on the page, the completeness of the image information, etc.
Research and learn. In every story, no matter how fantastic and imaginary, there is some "real" stuff that you can research and learn more about, bringing a sense of reality and depth to your story. So, take some time to do some research relevant to your story. That might be research into the geography of the setting, the historical period, cultural traditions, some physical object that appears in the story, etc. etc. Wikipedia is a treasure trove of background information that you can research and use in your story and/or in your author's note.
Re-read your source story. Now that you have written your own version of the story, go back and read the original; try reading it out loud to really focus your attention. You might find new details from the original that you can now use in your own story. Likewise, you might realize there is important information about the original story that you should include in your author's note because your version has gone in a different direction.
Author's note. The author's note is really important. Especially when your story diverges from the original (new characters, plot twists, change in setting), you need to provide an accurate summary of the original story in your note. Don't summarize your story in the note (your readers just read your story; they don't need a summary); instead, focus your attention on the source story you used so that your note will give your readers everything they need to know about your source. You will find lots of tips for working on your author's note here: Writing the Author's Note.
Activate your passive verbs. Especially when you are doing a lot of academic writing, you might end up using a lot of passive verbs, but passive verbs are usually not a good choice for storytelling. For this editing challenge, check each verb in each sentence, looking for passive verbs you can change to active; read more about passive and active verbs.
Zombie nouns. The phrase "zombie nouns" refers to abstract nouns that don't have any life to them; you can read more about that here: Zombie Nouns. A good editing challenge is to look for sentences with zombie nouns and then rewrite each of those sentences with a strong personal subject and a vivid, concrete verb.
Check your verb tense. This is a really important strategy if you are telling a story in present tense: you need to use present tense for the entire story. Believe me: when you are telling a story in present tense, past-tense verbs are going to try to sneak in there. So, read through your story, checking every verb in every sentence to make sure you are consistent with verb tense throughout the story. Past OR present can work as a style, but you need to choose one or the other and stick with that.
Paragraph length. Are you using paragraphs effectively? Especially when people are reading your writing on a computer screen, shorter paragraphs are usually better than long paragraphs, but at the same time you don't want to have all your paragraphs be super-short. Instead, the idea is to use the paragraph breaks to help your readers see the "shape" of your story, with each major event having a paragraph of its own. You should also make sure to insert a paragraph break when there is a change of speaker in a back-and-forth dialogue.
Sentence length. The key to sentence length is variety. To get an idea of how that works, take a look at this great example: Don't just write words. Write music. Read through your story, looking at the length of the sentences. Try to make music with the length of your sentences instead of being boring!
Dialogue: tags and beats. To write effective dialogue, you need to use both speaker tags and action beats. Here are a few articles online that explain the basic concept and provide lots of examples: dialogue tags and beats. If you learn how to use both tags and beats, you will find it much easier to include dialogue in your stories.
Dialogue punctuation check. The rules for commas and other punctuation in dialogue (direct speech) usually requires some special attention. Here are the main things to check on when you are using direct speech:
Weed out extra commas. Sometimes there are too few commas in a story, but sometimes there are too many. For the comma check, you will look at the commas to make sure you really need them. Watch out for these problem areas:
Commas and starter elements. One of the most important tasks that commas perform is to separate the two parts of a complex sentence when the "extra" part of the sentence comes first. If you are having trouble remembering to include a comma after a starting element in a sentence, review the rules for the different kinds of starter elements, and then proofread carefully, looking for sentences with a starter element that might need a comma.
Visit the Writing Center. The consultants at the Writing Center can be a really helpful audience to work with! You can find out more about their services at the Writing Center website. Before you go in for a consultation, it's good to have some priorities of your own in mind. That way, you can help the consultant zoom in on the writing areas that you know you want to focus on.
Read with a friend. Sit side by side with a friend who reads your story out loud and gives you feedback as they read; you can take notes as your friend tells you what they think about the story. Because your friend is sitting right there with you, you can have a conversation about their feedback to make sure you really understand what they are saying to you. This will probably take some time, so you might buy your friend coffee or lunch or whatever to return the favor. :-)
Slow down when you proofread. Sometimes even reading out loud does not quite help you catch all the typos and little errors that need fixing. When that happens, you need to find a way to slow down and focus while you are reading out loud. You can try some different techniques for that — printing out the story with a really large font is a good option, and you can run a pen or your finger along each line as you read. Another idea: you can force yourself to pause at the end of each sentence by tapping your finger on the table (that can work with a printed copy or while reading on the screen). Experiment until you find the best way for you to proofread by reading out loud really slowly.
Names. Are you happy with the names you are using for your characters? If you chose the names yourself, did you choose names that match the context in terms of culture, time period, etc.? If you are not sure, do some research at Google into the names you are using. The best kinds of names are the ones that add something to the story. If you think your readers might be curious about the names (either the names you have chosen or the names that come from your source story), you can add something to the author's note where you share what you have learned about the names.
Music. Is there some music that would make a good accompaniment to your story? If you embed a YouTube video, people could listen to the music (if they want) while they read. You can find out about embedding video in your blog or website here: Tech Tips. (And yes, if you did not know how to embed video before, you can count this for extra credit as a Tech Tip.)
Your own audio! SoundCloud is an audio service that allows you to create an audio recording and then embed the recording in a webpage. Being able to listen to you read the story would be something your readers might really enjoy! You can find out about recording audio with SoundCloud here: Tech Tips. (And yes, you can count this for extra credit as a Tech Tip.)
Fix up your browser. If you are having trouble with things like the spellchecking and word count, you might want to fix up your browser to help you with that. Do you have the spellcheck in your browser turned on? Most browsers have a spellcheck option; check your browser settings to see how to turn that on. You might also look for a browser extension that will do a word count for you (for example, I use Word Count Tool in Chrome). Plus, you can install a text-to-speech extension that will read your writing out loud to you (I use Read Aloud in Chrome); it sounds weird, but it really can help with proofreading.
Working your website. The web presentation is also an important part of your story. So, take some time to assess how your website design choices are working. Just what options you have depends on the web publishing platform you are using. Think about the visual design and also the navigation, making improvements based on what you think will work best for your audience.
Coverpage and Comment Wall. Take a look at your project coverpage and see if it is providing the kind of information your readers might want/need when they first arrive at your project. Is there a link from the project coverpage to your Comment Wall? Likewise, check your Comment Wall: do you have a link there to your project, along with some kind of image to greet your visitors there?
Sharpen and focus. If your story is longer than 800 words or so, challenge yourself to reduce the length by 100 words. That might mean tinkering with the story sentence by sentence (these short and sweet revision strategies might help), or it might mean deciding to leave out a part of the story.
Expand your story. If your shorter than 800 words right now, challenge yourself to make it longer by another 100 words or so, but staying within the max. length of 1000 words. You might add some dialogue to the story, work on describing the characters or setting, or add on to the beginning of the story (are there prior events you could include?) or expand on the ending (are there later events that could fit?).
Start strong; end strong. Does your story have a fantastic first paragraph and a fantastic final paragraph? What about the very first sentence and the very final sentence: are they both excellent? For this writing challenge, focus on the beginning and ending of your story to make them both as strong as possible.
Story titles. The story title is actually a very important part of the story. Is the story title doing a good job of pulling your reader in and setting the mood, but without giving too much away? Is the title too short, or maybe too long? As you accumulate stories in your project, are the titles fitting together nicely? If you are doing a Storybook, have you found a good title for the Storybook itself? (Make sure to let me know if you want me to change the Storybook title on the class list.)
Visual details. The more you can share your imaginary vision with us, helping us to see what you see, the bigger the impression your story will make. Try to weave visual details into your story, using some well-chosen words or phrases to describe the characters, action, and setting. If you don't already have a clear picture in your mind's eye, use some images to inspire your description: even if you are not using the images as illustrations in your story, you can use them to inspire your writing!
Illustrations. See if your illustrations are well integrated into the story: are you happy with the illustration(s) you are using? do you need more? can you use the illustration(s) to prompt some more detailed description in the writing? You can also use this challenge to check on the sizing of your images, the placement of the images on the page, the completeness of the image information, etc.
Research and learn. In every story, no matter how fantastic and imaginary, there is some "real" stuff that you can research and learn more about, bringing a sense of reality and depth to your story. So, take some time to do some research relevant to your story. That might be research into the geography of the setting, the historical period, cultural traditions, some physical object that appears in the story, etc. etc. Wikipedia is a treasure trove of background information that you can research and use in your story and/or in your author's note.
Re-read your source story. Now that you have written your own version of the story, go back and read the original; try reading it out loud to really focus your attention. You might find new details from the original that you can now use in your own story. Likewise, you might realize there is important information about the original story that you should include in your author's note because your version has gone in a different direction.
Author's note. The author's note is really important. Especially when your story diverges from the original (new characters, plot twists, change in setting), you need to provide an accurate summary of the original story in your note. Don't summarize your story in the note (your readers just read your story; they don't need a summary); instead, focus your attention on the source story you used so that your note will give your readers everything they need to know about your source. You will find lots of tips for working on your author's note here: Writing the Author's Note.
Activate your passive verbs. Especially when you are doing a lot of academic writing, you might end up using a lot of passive verbs, but passive verbs are usually not a good choice for storytelling. For this editing challenge, check each verb in each sentence, looking for passive verbs you can change to active; read more about passive and active verbs.
Zombie nouns. The phrase "zombie nouns" refers to abstract nouns that don't have any life to them; you can read more about that here: Zombie Nouns. A good editing challenge is to look for sentences with zombie nouns and then rewrite each of those sentences with a strong personal subject and a vivid, concrete verb.
Check your verb tense. This is a really important strategy if you are telling a story in present tense: you need to use present tense for the entire story. Believe me: when you are telling a story in present tense, past-tense verbs are going to try to sneak in there. So, read through your story, checking every verb in every sentence to make sure you are consistent with verb tense throughout the story. Past OR present can work as a style, but you need to choose one or the other and stick with that.
Paragraph length. Are you using paragraphs effectively? Especially when people are reading your writing on a computer screen, shorter paragraphs are usually better than long paragraphs, but at the same time you don't want to have all your paragraphs be super-short. Instead, the idea is to use the paragraph breaks to help your readers see the "shape" of your story, with each major event having a paragraph of its own. You should also make sure to insert a paragraph break when there is a change of speaker in a back-and-forth dialogue.
Sentence length. The key to sentence length is variety. To get an idea of how that works, take a look at this great example: Don't just write words. Write music. Read through your story, looking at the length of the sentences. Try to make music with the length of your sentences instead of being boring!
Dialogue: tags and beats. To write effective dialogue, you need to use both speaker tags and action beats. Here are a few articles online that explain the basic concept and provide lots of examples: dialogue tags and beats. If you learn how to use both tags and beats, you will find it much easier to include dialogue in your stories.
Dialogue punctuation check. The rules for commas and other punctuation in dialogue (direct speech) usually requires some special attention. Here are the main things to check on when you are using direct speech:
- Vocatives. When characters address each other by name, you need to set those off with commas; read more about commas and vocatives.
- Interjections. Just like vocatives, interjections also get set off with commas; read more about commas and interjections.
- Quoted speech. There are special rules for quoted sentences that you will want to check; read more about quoted speech.
Weed out extra commas. Sometimes there are too few commas in a story, but sometimes there are too many. For the comma check, you will look at the commas to make sure you really need them. Watch out for these problem areas:
- comma splice — you cannot use a comma to separate two independent clauses (sentences); read more about comma splices and how to fix them
- commas and coordinating conjunctions — you do not need a comma before "and" when it is connecting two equal words or phrases; read more about coordinating conjunctions (and, but, or)
- commas and subordinating conjunctions — you do not need a comma before a subordinated clause; read more about subordinating conjunctions (because, when, after, etc.), but you do need a comma when the subordinate clause comes first in the sentence (see next challenge).
Commas and starter elements. One of the most important tasks that commas perform is to separate the two parts of a complex sentence when the "extra" part of the sentence comes first. If you are having trouble remembering to include a comma after a starting element in a sentence, review the rules for the different kinds of starter elements, and then proofread carefully, looking for sentences with a starter element that might need a comma.
Visit the Writing Center. The consultants at the Writing Center can be a really helpful audience to work with! You can find out more about their services at the Writing Center website. Before you go in for a consultation, it's good to have some priorities of your own in mind. That way, you can help the consultant zoom in on the writing areas that you know you want to focus on.
Read with a friend. Sit side by side with a friend who reads your story out loud and gives you feedback as they read; you can take notes as your friend tells you what they think about the story. Because your friend is sitting right there with you, you can have a conversation about their feedback to make sure you really understand what they are saying to you. This will probably take some time, so you might buy your friend coffee or lunch or whatever to return the favor. :-)
Slow down when you proofread. Sometimes even reading out loud does not quite help you catch all the typos and little errors that need fixing. When that happens, you need to find a way to slow down and focus while you are reading out loud. You can try some different techniques for that — printing out the story with a really large font is a good option, and you can run a pen or your finger along each line as you read. Another idea: you can force yourself to pause at the end of each sentence by tapping your finger on the table (that can work with a printed copy or while reading on the screen). Experiment until you find the best way for you to proofread by reading out loud really slowly.
Names. Are you happy with the names you are using for your characters? If you chose the names yourself, did you choose names that match the context in terms of culture, time period, etc.? If you are not sure, do some research at Google into the names you are using. The best kinds of names are the ones that add something to the story. If you think your readers might be curious about the names (either the names you have chosen or the names that come from your source story), you can add something to the author's note where you share what you have learned about the names.
Music. Is there some music that would make a good accompaniment to your story? If you embed a YouTube video, people could listen to the music (if they want) while they read. You can find out about embedding video in your blog or website here: Tech Tips. (And yes, if you did not know how to embed video before, you can count this for extra credit as a Tech Tip.)
Your own audio! SoundCloud is an audio service that allows you to create an audio recording and then embed the recording in a webpage. Being able to listen to you read the story would be something your readers might really enjoy! You can find out about recording audio with SoundCloud here: Tech Tips. (And yes, you can count this for extra credit as a Tech Tip.)
Fix up your browser. If you are having trouble with things like the spellchecking and word count, you might want to fix up your browser to help you with that. Do you have the spellcheck in your browser turned on? Most browsers have a spellcheck option; check your browser settings to see how to turn that on. You might also look for a browser extension that will do a word count for you (for example, I use Word Count Tool in Chrome). Plus, you can install a text-to-speech extension that will read your writing out loud to you (I use Read Aloud in Chrome); it sounds weird, but it really can help with proofreading.
Working your website. The web presentation is also an important part of your story. So, take some time to assess how your website design choices are working. Just what options you have depends on the web publishing platform you are using. Think about the visual design and also the navigation, making improvements based on what you think will work best for your audience.
Coverpage and Comment Wall. Take a look at your project coverpage and see if it is providing the kind of information your readers might want/need when they first arrive at your project. Is there a link from the project coverpage to your Comment Wall? Likewise, check your Comment Wall: do you have a link there to your project, along with some kind of image to greet your visitors there?
Friday, December 5, 2014
Fiction Writing Conflict Test
Here's a great tool from Amanda Patterson for making sure you have some good conflict going on in your story: The 12 Question Fiction Writing Conflict Test.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Short and Sweet Writing Strategies
Writing something long is easy; writing something short is hard. Below is a list of strategies you can use to reduce your word count while making your stories more memorable. It may be difficult at first, but with practice these strategies can become automatic. If you need to lower your word count, or if you just want to improve your writing, try each strategy to discover which ones work best for you.
- Eliminate Passive Verbs
- Avoid Wordy Verb Phrases
- Use Direct Speech
- Deflate Inflated Phrases
- Unique and Important Adjectives to Avoid
- Put a Stop to Inchoative Verbs
- Watch out for IT
- Don't Seem... BE!
- Don't Hedge Your Bets
So the writer who breeds more words than he needs
is making a chore for the reader who reads.
Short and Sweet: Don't Seem... Get Real!
The word "seem" can be very useful when you want to distinguish between appearances and reality. Often, however, the word "seem" just weakens the sentence, as if the writer is not really sure what to say. Especially if you are writing fiction, you are the omniscient creator, and your readers are depending on you to know what is really happening — not just what seems to be happening.
So, check for any usage of the word "seem" in your writing and make sure you really need it. You might also check for the word "appear" too! Here are some examples to look at; you can see that without "seem" the sentences are stronger, and it reduces the word count by about 20% as well.
BEFORE: After a while, he seemed to calm down. (8 words)
AFTER: After a while, he calmed down. (6 words)
BEFORE: It seemed that later that night, the monster returned. (9 words)
AFTER: Later that night, the monster returned. (6 words)
BEFORE: The four elves seemed to cower under the table. (9 words)
AFTER: The four elves cowered under the table. (7 words)
BEFORE: The nice pigeons seemed to help Cinderella finish the housework. (10 words)
AFTER: The nice pigeons helped Cinderella finish the housework. (8 words)
BEFORE: The deepness of his voice seemed to resonate with prophecy. (10 words)
AFTER: The deepness of his voice resonated with prophecy. (8 words)
BEFORE: He seemed to be trying to intimidate me with his gaze. (11 words)
AFTER: He was trying to intimidate me with his gaze. (9 words)
BEFORE: The warriors were very skilled and seemed to move about like shadows. (12 words)
AFTER: The warriors were very skilled and moved about like shadows. (10 words)
BEFORE: Jacob seemed to shiver from excitement, while Wilhelm continued to look skeptical. (12 words)
AFTER: Jacob shivered from excitement, while Wilhelm continued to look skeptical. (10 words)
BEFORE: The crowded room seemed to fall silent when the singer began his song. (13 words)
AFTER: The crowded room fell silent when the singer began his song. (11 words)
BEFORE: Ravana seemed to be attacking Rama with every possible supernatural weapon, using all twenty arms. (15 words)
AFTER: Ravana attacked Rama with every possible supernatural weapon, using all twenty arms. (12 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
So, check for any usage of the word "seem" in your writing and make sure you really need it. You might also check for the word "appear" too! Here are some examples to look at; you can see that without "seem" the sentences are stronger, and it reduces the word count by about 20% as well.
BEFORE: After a while, he seemed to calm down. (8 words)
AFTER: After a while, he calmed down. (6 words)
BEFORE: It seemed that later that night, the monster returned. (9 words)
AFTER: Later that night, the monster returned. (6 words)
BEFORE: The four elves seemed to cower under the table. (9 words)
AFTER: The four elves cowered under the table. (7 words)
BEFORE: The nice pigeons seemed to help Cinderella finish the housework. (10 words)
AFTER: The nice pigeons helped Cinderella finish the housework. (8 words)
BEFORE: The deepness of his voice seemed to resonate with prophecy. (10 words)
AFTER: The deepness of his voice resonated with prophecy. (8 words)
BEFORE: He seemed to be trying to intimidate me with his gaze. (11 words)
AFTER: He was trying to intimidate me with his gaze. (9 words)
BEFORE: The warriors were very skilled and seemed to move about like shadows. (12 words)
AFTER: The warriors were very skilled and moved about like shadows. (10 words)
BEFORE: Jacob seemed to shiver from excitement, while Wilhelm continued to look skeptical. (12 words)
AFTER: Jacob shivered from excitement, while Wilhelm continued to look skeptical. (10 words)
BEFORE: The crowded room seemed to fall silent when the singer began his song. (13 words)
AFTER: The crowded room fell silent when the singer began his song. (11 words)
BEFORE: Ravana seemed to be attacking Rama with every possible supernatural weapon, using all twenty arms. (15 words)
AFTER: Ravana attacked Rama with every possible supernatural weapon, using all twenty arms. (12 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
Short and Sweet: Watch Out for IT
Sometimes the pronoun “it” does important work in a sentence, acting as a true pronoun by standing in for another noun. Sometimes, however, the word “it” signals an impersonal construction, often with a passive verb. Not good.
So, read through your writing and look for every use of the word “it” to see what’s going on. If the word “it” is acting as a true pronoun, that’s great, but if "it" signals a weak passage in your writing, you might want to revise, especially if you are trying to reducing your word count. Checking for “it” is also a good way to double-check on “its” (belonging to it) versus “it’s” (= it is).
Below are some examples of impersonal uses of “it” that benefit from revising, along with a 30% reduction in the word count:
BEFORE: It is our shared experience that makes me trust you. (10 words)
AFTER: Our shared experience makes me trust you. (7 words)
BEFORE: It is because I love that I say these words. (10 words)
AFTER: I say these words because I love you. (7 words)
BEFORE: It is important for you to remember the wizard's name. (10 words)
AFTER: You need to remember the wizard's name. (7 words)
BEFORE: It is sometimes necessary for children to confront their parents. (10 words)
AFTER: Sometimes children must confront their parents. (6 words)
BEFORE: It is fully established that the sword possesses magical powers. (10 words)
AFTER: The sword definitely possesses magical powers. (6 words)
BEFORE: It is not known to the brothers what the words mean. (11 words)
AFTER: The brothers do not know what the words mean. (9 words)
BEFORE: It is obligatory for you to pay me a reward. (11 words)
AFTER: You must pay me a reward. (6 words)
BEFORE: It will be possible for you to climb the walls at night. (12 words)
AFTER: You will be able to climb the walls at night. (10 words)
BEFORE: It is believed by everyone that the thief is hiding in the forest. (13 words)
AFTER: Everyone believes the thief is hiding in the forest. (9 words)
BEFORE: I must go to the river, and it is there that I will perform my prayers. (16 words)
AFTER: I must go to the river, and there I will perform my prayers. (13 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
So, read through your writing and look for every use of the word “it” to see what’s going on. If the word “it” is acting as a true pronoun, that’s great, but if "it" signals a weak passage in your writing, you might want to revise, especially if you are trying to reducing your word count. Checking for “it” is also a good way to double-check on “its” (belonging to it) versus “it’s” (= it is).
Below are some examples of impersonal uses of “it” that benefit from revising, along with a 30% reduction in the word count:
BEFORE: It is our shared experience that makes me trust you. (10 words)
AFTER: Our shared experience makes me trust you. (7 words)
BEFORE: It is because I love that I say these words. (10 words)
AFTER: I say these words because I love you. (7 words)
BEFORE: It is important for you to remember the wizard's name. (10 words)
AFTER: You need to remember the wizard's name. (7 words)
BEFORE: It is sometimes necessary for children to confront their parents. (10 words)
AFTER: Sometimes children must confront their parents. (6 words)
BEFORE: It is fully established that the sword possesses magical powers. (10 words)
AFTER: The sword definitely possesses magical powers. (6 words)
BEFORE: It is not known to the brothers what the words mean. (11 words)
AFTER: The brothers do not know what the words mean. (9 words)
BEFORE: It is obligatory for you to pay me a reward. (11 words)
AFTER: You must pay me a reward. (6 words)
BEFORE: It will be possible for you to climb the walls at night. (12 words)
AFTER: You will be able to climb the walls at night. (10 words)
BEFORE: It is believed by everyone that the thief is hiding in the forest. (13 words)
AFTER: Everyone believes the thief is hiding in the forest. (9 words)
BEFORE: I must go to the river, and it is there that I will perform my prayers. (16 words)
AFTER: I must go to the river, and there I will perform my prayers. (13 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
Cousin Itt Stamp by Mikhail S. Dingle.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Short and Sweet: Use Direct Speech
Direct statements are more vivid than indirect statements. So, be direct! Use quoted speech and quoted thoughts whenever you can. Depending on the type of statement, this can also lower your word count. In the examples below, the use of direct speech lowers the word count by 15%.
You might need to review the special punctuation rules for quoted statements: The Ten Rules of Quoted Speech.
Examples:
BEFORE: I told my father not to worry. (7 words)
AFTER: "Father," I said, "don't worry." (5 words)
BEFORE: Dr. Mutiba thought that Ravana might be depressed. (8 words)
AFTER: "Ravana might be depressed," thought Dr. Mutiba. (7 words)
BEFORE: He told me that I had to believe him. (9 words)
AFTER: "You must believe me!" he said. (6 words)
BEFORE: The general asked himself if he could trust this young soldier. (11 words)
AFTER: "Can I trust this young soldier?" the general asked himself. (10 words)
BEFORE: Sugriva promised Rama that his army would go with him to Lanka. (12 words)
AFTER: "Rama," Sugriva promised, "my army will go with you to Lanka." (11 words)
BEFORE: Mordecai told Esther that she had to beg the king for protection. (12 words)
AFTER: Mordecai told Esther, "You must beg the king for protection." (10 words)
BEFORE: The priest asked Joan if she was sorry for what she had done. (13 words)
AFTER: "Joan, are you sorry for what you have done?" the priest asked. (12 words)
BEFORE: Robin wondered whether or not he would ever get out of the dungeon. (13 words)
AFTER: "Will I ever get out of this dungeon?" Robin wondered. (10 words)
BEFORE: The Beast explained that an evil witch had put a curse on him. (13 words)
AFTER: "An evil witch put a curse on me," the Beast explained. (11 words)
BEFORE: Little Red told the wolf that she was going to her grandmother's house. (13 words)
AFTER: Little Red told the wolf, "I'm going to my grandmother's house." (11 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
You might need to review the special punctuation rules for quoted statements: The Ten Rules of Quoted Speech.
Examples:
BEFORE: I told my father not to worry. (7 words)
AFTER: "Father," I said, "don't worry." (5 words)
BEFORE: Dr. Mutiba thought that Ravana might be depressed. (8 words)
AFTER: "Ravana might be depressed," thought Dr. Mutiba. (7 words)
BEFORE: He told me that I had to believe him. (9 words)
AFTER: "You must believe me!" he said. (6 words)
BEFORE: The general asked himself if he could trust this young soldier. (11 words)
AFTER: "Can I trust this young soldier?" the general asked himself. (10 words)
BEFORE: Sugriva promised Rama that his army would go with him to Lanka. (12 words)
AFTER: "Rama," Sugriva promised, "my army will go with you to Lanka." (11 words)
BEFORE: Mordecai told Esther that she had to beg the king for protection. (12 words)
AFTER: Mordecai told Esther, "You must beg the king for protection." (10 words)
BEFORE: The priest asked Joan if she was sorry for what she had done. (13 words)
AFTER: "Joan, are you sorry for what you have done?" the priest asked. (12 words)
BEFORE: Robin wondered whether or not he would ever get out of the dungeon. (13 words)
AFTER: "Will I ever get out of this dungeon?" Robin wondered. (10 words)
BEFORE: The Beast explained that an evil witch had put a curse on him. (13 words)
AFTER: "An evil witch put a curse on me," the Beast explained. (11 words)
BEFORE: Little Red told the wolf that she was going to her grandmother's house. (13 words)
AFTER: Little Red told the wolf, "I'm going to my grandmother's house." (11 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
Little Red Riding Hood by Carl Larsson (1881)
Short and Sweet: Avoid Wordy Verb Phrases
To find weak spots in your writing, look for forms of the verb "to be" (is, are, was, were) used with adjectives or abstract nouns, and then see if you can replace the phrase with a single verb. (This also gives you a chance to look for passive verbs that need to be active.)
Next, look for the verb "to have" (has, have, had) used with an abstract noun. You can look for the verb "to make" (makes, make, made). See if you can replace the verb phrase with a single verb. As a rule, verbs are better than verbal nouns.
By replacing weak verbal phrases with strong verbs, you can make your writing more forceful and reduce your word count by as much as 20%.
Examples:
BEFORE: The bar was full of smoke. (6 words)
AFTER: Smoke filled the bar. (4 words)
BEFORE: Arthur had no doubts about Lancelot's bravery. (7 words)
AFTER: Arthur did not doubt Lancelot's bravery. (6 words)
BEFORE: The witch had a knowledge of many dangerous spells. (9 words)
AFTER: The witch knew many dangerous spells. (6 words)
BEFORE: Bathsheba was aware that David loved her. (7 words)
AFTER: Bathsheba knew that David loved her. (6 words)
BEFORE: The little boy had a liking for strawberries. (8 words)
AFTER: The little boy liked strawberries. (5 words)
BEFORE: Sita had the sensation that someone was watching her. (9 words)
AFTER: Sita sensed that someone was watching her. (7 words)
BEFORE: Vibhishana made the argument that Ravana should let Sita go. (10 words)
AFTER: Vibhishana argued that Ravana should let Sita go. (8 words)
BEFORE: The gods had need of a human hero who could defeat Ravana. (12 words)
AFTER: The gods needed a human hero who could defeat Ravana. (10 words)
BEFORE: The queen's devotion was an inspiration to the people of her kingdom. (12 words)
AFTER: The queen's devotion inspired the people of her kingdom. (9 words)
BEFORE: Alice had a desire to see where the White Rabbit had gone. (12 words)
AFTER: Alice wanted to see where the White Rabbit had gone. (10 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
Next, look for the verb "to have" (has, have, had) used with an abstract noun. You can look for the verb "to make" (makes, make, made). See if you can replace the verb phrase with a single verb. As a rule, verbs are better than verbal nouns.
By replacing weak verbal phrases with strong verbs, you can make your writing more forceful and reduce your word count by as much as 20%.
Examples:
BEFORE: The bar was full of smoke. (6 words)
AFTER: Smoke filled the bar. (4 words)
BEFORE: Arthur had no doubts about Lancelot's bravery. (7 words)
AFTER: Arthur did not doubt Lancelot's bravery. (6 words)
BEFORE: The witch had a knowledge of many dangerous spells. (9 words)
AFTER: The witch knew many dangerous spells. (6 words)
BEFORE: Bathsheba was aware that David loved her. (7 words)
AFTER: Bathsheba knew that David loved her. (6 words)
BEFORE: The little boy had a liking for strawberries. (8 words)
AFTER: The little boy liked strawberries. (5 words)
BEFORE: Sita had the sensation that someone was watching her. (9 words)
AFTER: Sita sensed that someone was watching her. (7 words)
BEFORE: Vibhishana made the argument that Ravana should let Sita go. (10 words)
AFTER: Vibhishana argued that Ravana should let Sita go. (8 words)
BEFORE: The gods had need of a human hero who could defeat Ravana. (12 words)
AFTER: The gods needed a human hero who could defeat Ravana. (10 words)
BEFORE: The queen's devotion was an inspiration to the people of her kingdom. (12 words)
AFTER: The queen's devotion inspired the people of her kingdom. (9 words)
BEFORE: Alice had a desire to see where the White Rabbit had gone. (12 words)
AFTER: Alice wanted to see where the White Rabbit had gone. (10 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
Short and Sweet: Put a Stop to Inchoative Verbs
Linguists use the word "inchoative" for verbs that express the start of an action. In some languages, each verb might have a special inchoative form, but in English, we use the words "start" or "begin" to indicate the beginning of an action. The problem is that some writers overuse these words, repeating them over and over again. Are you one of those writers? If so, read on. If not, you can safely skip this strategy.
Sometimes, of course, you do need "begin" or "start" to indicate the beginning of an action; it all depends on the context. So, check each instance carefully. Removing unnecessary uses of "start" and "begin" will make your writing more clear, and it will also reduce your word count by around 15%. Below you will find some examples where the words "start" or "begin" are unnecessary:
BEFORE: Tears started to stream down her face. (7 words)
AFTER: Tears streamed down her face. (5 words)
BEFORE: The smell of freshly baked bread made me start to feel hungry. (12 words)
BEFORE: The smell of freshly baked bread made me feel hungry. (10 words)
BEFORE: When the knight saw the queen, he began to shout with joy. (12 words)
AFTER: When the knight saw the queen, he shouted with joy. (10 words)
BEFORE: Rama quickly began to gain ground as the demon king started to grow tired. (14 words)
AFTER: Rama quickly gained ground as the demon king grew tired. (10 words)
BEFORE: Tears began to fill his eyes and started to roll down his cheeks. (13 words)
AFTER: Tears filled his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. (9 words)
BEFORE: When the salt touched its skin, the demon began to shriek in pain. (13 words)
AFTER: When the salt touched its skin, the demon shrieked in pain. (11 words)
BEFORE: We waited there, very worried, until the other search parties began to return. (13 words)
AFTER: We waited there, very worried, until the other search parties returned. (11 words)
BEFORE: After reading the diary, he began to realize why she had left him. (13 words)
AFTER: After reading the diary, he realized why she had left him. (11 words)
BEFORE: She gave her dad a hug and then began heading for the departure gate. (14 words)
AFTER: She gave her dad a hug and then headed for the departure gate. (13 words)
BEFORE: The monstrous hydra's heads started to grow back each time Hercules chopped them off. (14 words)
AFTER: The monstrous hydra's heads grew back each time Hercules chopped them off. (12 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
Sometimes, of course, you do need "begin" or "start" to indicate the beginning of an action; it all depends on the context. So, check each instance carefully. Removing unnecessary uses of "start" and "begin" will make your writing more clear, and it will also reduce your word count by around 15%. Below you will find some examples where the words "start" or "begin" are unnecessary:
BEFORE: Tears started to stream down her face. (7 words)
AFTER: Tears streamed down her face. (5 words)
BEFORE: The smell of freshly baked bread made me start to feel hungry. (12 words)
BEFORE: The smell of freshly baked bread made me feel hungry. (10 words)
BEFORE: When the knight saw the queen, he began to shout with joy. (12 words)
AFTER: When the knight saw the queen, he shouted with joy. (10 words)
BEFORE: Rama quickly began to gain ground as the demon king started to grow tired. (14 words)
AFTER: Rama quickly gained ground as the demon king grew tired. (10 words)
BEFORE: Tears began to fill his eyes and started to roll down his cheeks. (13 words)
AFTER: Tears filled his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. (9 words)
BEFORE: When the salt touched its skin, the demon began to shriek in pain. (13 words)
AFTER: When the salt touched its skin, the demon shrieked in pain. (11 words)
BEFORE: We waited there, very worried, until the other search parties began to return. (13 words)
AFTER: We waited there, very worried, until the other search parties returned. (11 words)
BEFORE: After reading the diary, he began to realize why she had left him. (13 words)
AFTER: After reading the diary, he realized why she had left him. (11 words)
BEFORE: She gave her dad a hug and then began heading for the departure gate. (14 words)
AFTER: She gave her dad a hug and then headed for the departure gate. (13 words)
BEFORE: The monstrous hydra's heads started to grow back each time Hercules chopped them off. (14 words)
AFTER: The monstrous hydra's heads grew back each time Hercules chopped them off. (12 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
Hercules and the Hydra, by John Singer Sargent (1921)
Web Source: Wikipedia
Unique and Important Adjectives to Avoid
Let's be honest: adjectives like "interesting" and "unique" are a waste of space. They convey no useful information to your reader. Adding an adverb — "extremely interesting," "very unique," etc. — only makes it worse, not better.
Some of these adjectives are hype (short for hyperbole), exaggerated claims that your readers will ignore. Unique? Really? Telling your readers that something is unique does not make it so; you must give them the evidence they need to reach that conclusion on their own.
Other adjectives are so vague that they convey no useful information. Your readers need to know more, and it is your job to provide the details. Important... for what purpose? Special... in what way? Incredible... for what reason?
So, if you see one of these empty adjectives, that means you probably still have work to do. You may need to add more detail to the sentence, or you may decide to delete the sentence and start over from scratch.
interesting
unique
important
unusual
incredible
special
remarkable
exceptional
Of course, this is only a partial list. As you read, look for the empty adjectives that annoy you. If you find the adjectives annoying as a reader, you should avoid those adjectives when you write!
Examples:
BEFORE: Sita's story is truly unique.
(This sentence cannot be saved; start over.)
BEFORE: He admired the orchids for their beauty and unique shape.
AFTER: He admired the orchids for their beauty.
(Of course, if you want to describe the shape, then do that! Great!)
BEFORE: Although the three previous murders were very unique, the fourth murder was the strangest of all.
AFTER: The three previous murders were strange indeed, but the fourth murder was the strangest of all.
(This sentence is still more fluff than substance, but at least it is no longer "very unique.")
BEFORE: Hercules is a very interesting hero.
(This sentence cannot be saved; start over.)
BEFORE: I wanted to learn more about these interesting and mysterious creatures.
AFTER: I wanted to learn more about these mysterious creatures.
(And if you want to say more about exactly why the creatures were interesting, then do that!)
BEFORE: I want to tell you an interesting story about a sloth.
AFTER: I want to tell you a story about a sloth.
(We trust you not to tell us a boring story, at least not on purpose.)
BEFORE: Hanuman is an important character in the Ramayana.
(This sentence cannot be saved; start over.)
BEFORE: The king had four daughters who were known for their exceptional beauty.
AFTER: The king had four beautiful daughters.
(That is a sentence you can build on; if you have more to say, say it! Describe those daughters to us so that we can see how beautiful they were.)
BEFORE: An unusual, phosphorescent moss covered the walls, glowing faintly in the dark.
AFTER: Phosphorescent moss covered the walls, glowing faintly in the dark.
(Phosphorescent moss is already unusual; you can safely leave that adjective out.)
BEFORE: Sita gave Hanuman a special necklace.
AFTER: Sita gave Hanuman a necklace.
(What kind of necklace? The word "special" does not answer that question; we need to know more.)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
Some of these adjectives are hype (short for hyperbole), exaggerated claims that your readers will ignore. Unique? Really? Telling your readers that something is unique does not make it so; you must give them the evidence they need to reach that conclusion on their own.
Other adjectives are so vague that they convey no useful information. Your readers need to know more, and it is your job to provide the details. Important... for what purpose? Special... in what way? Incredible... for what reason?
So, if you see one of these empty adjectives, that means you probably still have work to do. You may need to add more detail to the sentence, or you may decide to delete the sentence and start over from scratch.
interesting
unique
important
unusual
incredible
special
remarkable
exceptional
Of course, this is only a partial list. As you read, look for the empty adjectives that annoy you. If you find the adjectives annoying as a reader, you should avoid those adjectives when you write!
Examples:
BEFORE: Sita's story is truly unique.
(This sentence cannot be saved; start over.)
BEFORE: He admired the orchids for their beauty and unique shape.
AFTER: He admired the orchids for their beauty.
(Of course, if you want to describe the shape, then do that! Great!)
BEFORE: Although the three previous murders were very unique, the fourth murder was the strangest of all.
AFTER: The three previous murders were strange indeed, but the fourth murder was the strangest of all.
(This sentence is still more fluff than substance, but at least it is no longer "very unique.")
BEFORE: Hercules is a very interesting hero.
(This sentence cannot be saved; start over.)
BEFORE: I wanted to learn more about these interesting and mysterious creatures.
AFTER: I wanted to learn more about these mysterious creatures.
(And if you want to say more about exactly why the creatures were interesting, then do that!)
BEFORE: I want to tell you an interesting story about a sloth.
AFTER: I want to tell you a story about a sloth.
(We trust you not to tell us a boring story, at least not on purpose.)
BEFORE: Hanuman is an important character in the Ramayana.
(This sentence cannot be saved; start over.)
BEFORE: The king had four daughters who were known for their exceptional beauty.
AFTER: The king had four beautiful daughters.
(That is a sentence you can build on; if you have more to say, say it! Describe those daughters to us so that we can see how beautiful they were.)
BEFORE: An unusual, phosphorescent moss covered the walls, glowing faintly in the dark.
AFTER: Phosphorescent moss covered the walls, glowing faintly in the dark.
(Phosphorescent moss is already unusual; you can safely leave that adjective out.)
BEFORE: Sita gave Hanuman a special necklace.
AFTER: Sita gave Hanuman a necklace.
(What kind of necklace? The word "special" does not answer that question; we need to know more.)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
Hanuman; photograph by Os Rupias at Flickr.
Short and Sweet: Deflate Inflated Phrases
At the bottom of this post, there is a chart of "Inflated Versus Concise" phrases. If you eliminate inflated phrases like these from your writing, you can reduce your word count and also make your writing more forceful. In the examples below, concise phrases lower the word count by 25%.
Examples:
BEFORE: Zeus deceived Hera on many separate occasions. (7 words)
AFTER: Zeus often deceived Hera. (4 words)
BEFORE: Robin had used the majority of his arrows. (8 words)
AFTER: Robin had used most of his arrows. (7 words)
BEFORE: Cinderella visited the palace on three separate occasions. (8 words)
AFTER: Cinderella visited the palace three times. (6 words)
BEFORE: You must keep this sword with you at all times. (10 words)
AFTER: You must always keep this sword with you. (8 words)
BEFORE: In the event that someone speaks to you, say nothing. (10 words)
AFTER: If someone speaks to you, say nothing. (7 words)
BEFORE: The dragon has the ability to see into your mind. (10 words)
AFTER: The dragon can see into your mind. (7 words)
BEFORE: At that point in time, Rama was living in the forest. (11 words)
AFTER: At that time, Rama was living in the forest. (9 words)
BEFORE: You will remain here until such time as the king summons you. (12 words)
AFTER: You will remain here until the king summons you. (9 words)
BEFORE: Despite the fact that I do not believe in ghosts, I'm still scared. (13 words)
AFTER: Although I do not believe in ghosts, I'm still scared. (10 words)
BEFORE: Beauty returned to the Beast's castle because of the fact that she loved him. (14 words)
AFTER: Beauty returned to the Beast's castle because she loved him. (10 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
Examples:
BEFORE: Zeus deceived Hera on many separate occasions. (7 words)
AFTER: Zeus often deceived Hera. (4 words)
BEFORE: Robin had used the majority of his arrows. (8 words)
AFTER: Robin had used most of his arrows. (7 words)
BEFORE: Cinderella visited the palace on three separate occasions. (8 words)
AFTER: Cinderella visited the palace three times. (6 words)
BEFORE: You must keep this sword with you at all times. (10 words)
AFTER: You must always keep this sword with you. (8 words)
BEFORE: In the event that someone speaks to you, say nothing. (10 words)
AFTER: If someone speaks to you, say nothing. (7 words)
BEFORE: The dragon has the ability to see into your mind. (10 words)
AFTER: The dragon can see into your mind. (7 words)
BEFORE: At that point in time, Rama was living in the forest. (11 words)
AFTER: At that time, Rama was living in the forest. (9 words)
BEFORE: You will remain here until such time as the king summons you. (12 words)
AFTER: You will remain here until the king summons you. (9 words)
BEFORE: Despite the fact that I do not believe in ghosts, I'm still scared. (13 words)
AFTER: Although I do not believe in ghosts, I'm still scared. (10 words)
BEFORE: Beauty returned to the Beast's castle because of the fact that she loved him. (14 words)
AFTER: Beauty returned to the Beast's castle because she loved him. (10 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
Friday, February 21, 2014
Short and Sweet: Eliminate All Passive Verbs
If you use active verbs instead of passive, you can trim your word count and make your writing more powerful. First, review the basics of Active and Passive Verbs. Then, get to work! Eliminate all passive verbs from your writing. The sentences will be shorter, and the meaning will be more clear too. In the examples below, the use of active verbs reduces the word count by 25%.
Examples:
BEFORE: Mistakes are often made by people. (6 words)
AFTER: People often make mistakes. (4 words)
BEFORE: The king wanted Robin to be caught. (7 words)
AFTER: The king wanted to catch Robin. (6 words)
BEFORE: Narasimha was asked by Veerbhadra to calm down. (8 words)
AFTER: Veerbhadra asked Narasimha to calm down. (6 words)
BEFORE: Surpanakha had her ears cut off by Lakshmana. (8 words)
AFTER: Lakshmana cut off Surpanakha's ears. (5 words)
BEFORE: The giant's foolishness was taken advantage of by Jack. (9 words)
AFTER: Jack took advantage of the giant's foolishness. (7 words)
BEFORE: Sita's behavior was not understood by Rama and his brother. (10 words)
AFTER: Rama and his brother did not understand Sita's behavior. (9 words)
BEFORE: Eve was fooled by the snake into eating the apple. (10 words)
AFTER: The snake fooled Eve into eating the apple. (8 words)
BEFORE: Maricha was shot through the heart with one of Rama’s golden arrows. (12 words)
AFTER: Rama shot Maricha through the heart with a golden arrow. (10 words)
BEFORE: You will be amazed at the things that are revealed in these diaries. (13 words)
AFTER: These diaries reveal things that will amaze you. (8 words)
BEFORE: Menaka was sent by Indra to seduce Vishvamitra, but she was rejected by him. (14 words)
AFTER: Indra sent Menaka to seduce Vishvamitra, but he rejected her. (10 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
Examples:
BEFORE: Mistakes are often made by people. (6 words)
AFTER: People often make mistakes. (4 words)
BEFORE: The king wanted Robin to be caught. (7 words)
AFTER: The king wanted to catch Robin. (6 words)
BEFORE: Narasimha was asked by Veerbhadra to calm down. (8 words)
AFTER: Veerbhadra asked Narasimha to calm down. (6 words)
BEFORE: Surpanakha had her ears cut off by Lakshmana. (8 words)
AFTER: Lakshmana cut off Surpanakha's ears. (5 words)
BEFORE: The giant's foolishness was taken advantage of by Jack. (9 words)
AFTER: Jack took advantage of the giant's foolishness. (7 words)
BEFORE: Sita's behavior was not understood by Rama and his brother. (10 words)
AFTER: Rama and his brother did not understand Sita's behavior. (9 words)
BEFORE: Eve was fooled by the snake into eating the apple. (10 words)
AFTER: The snake fooled Eve into eating the apple. (8 words)
BEFORE: Maricha was shot through the heart with one of Rama’s golden arrows. (12 words)
AFTER: Rama shot Maricha through the heart with a golden arrow. (10 words)
BEFORE: You will be amazed at the things that are revealed in these diaries. (13 words)
AFTER: These diaries reveal things that will amaze you. (8 words)
BEFORE: Menaka was sent by Indra to seduce Vishvamitra, but she was rejected by him. (14 words)
AFTER: Indra sent Menaka to seduce Vishvamitra, but he rejected her. (10 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
Vishwamitra and Menaka by Raja Ravi Varma (1890)
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Short and Sweet: Don't Hedge Your Bets
If you want your readers to trust you as a writer, you need to earn their trust. If you doubt yourself, however, your readers will also doubt you. So, write with confidence, and don't hedge your bets. Take a look at this list of phrases to see if they pop up in your writing:
BEFORE: These bold words annoyed Ravana somewhat. (6 words)
AFTER: These bold words annoyed Ravana. (5 words)
BEFORE: The children felt somewhat confused and afraid. (7 words)
AFTER: The children felt confused and afraid. (6 words)
BEFORE: Mr. Rabbit grinned slightly at Mr. Otter. (7 words)
AFTER: Mr. Rabbit grinned at Mr. Otter. (6 words)
BEFORE: Gomer is a somewhat controversial character in the Bible. (9 words)
AFTER: Gomer is a controversial character in the Bible. (8 words)
BEFORE: The man was somewhat in love with the mermaid. (9 words)
AFTER: The man was in love with the mermaid. (8 words)
BEFORE: The wolf stood there with his mouth slightly hanging open. (10 words)
AFTER: The wolf stood there with his mouth hanging open. (9 words)
BEFORE: I was sort of hoping you would come see me! (10 words)
AFTER: I was hoping you would come see me! (8 words)
BEFORE: Paris felt slightly overwhelmed by the three goddesses standing there. (10 words)
AFTER: Paris felt overwhelmed by the three goddesses standing there. (9 words)
BEFORE: I see a sort of similarity between your situation and mine. (11 words)
AFTER: I see a similarity between your situation and mine. (9 words)
BEFORE: When Lakshmana heard about Dasaratha's decision to exile Rama, he was somewhat furious. (13 words)
AFTER: When Lakshmana heard about Dasaratha's decision to exile Rama, he was furious. (12 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
- somewhat
- sort of, kind of
- to some degree
- relatively
- more or less, nearly
- a little, slightly, faintly
- almost, practically
- apparently, seemingly
- possibly, probably, maybe, perhaps
- rather, quite, fairly
- might, could
- if not...
BEFORE: These bold words annoyed Ravana somewhat. (6 words)
AFTER: These bold words annoyed Ravana. (5 words)
BEFORE: The children felt somewhat confused and afraid. (7 words)
AFTER: The children felt confused and afraid. (6 words)
BEFORE: Mr. Rabbit grinned slightly at Mr. Otter. (7 words)
AFTER: Mr. Rabbit grinned at Mr. Otter. (6 words)
BEFORE: Gomer is a somewhat controversial character in the Bible. (9 words)
AFTER: Gomer is a controversial character in the Bible. (8 words)
BEFORE: The man was somewhat in love with the mermaid. (9 words)
AFTER: The man was in love with the mermaid. (8 words)
BEFORE: The wolf stood there with his mouth slightly hanging open. (10 words)
AFTER: The wolf stood there with his mouth hanging open. (9 words)
BEFORE: I was sort of hoping you would come see me! (10 words)
AFTER: I was hoping you would come see me! (8 words)
BEFORE: Paris felt slightly overwhelmed by the three goddesses standing there. (10 words)
AFTER: Paris felt overwhelmed by the three goddesses standing there. (9 words)
BEFORE: I see a sort of similarity between your situation and mine. (11 words)
AFTER: I see a similarity between your situation and mine. (9 words)
BEFORE: When Lakshmana heard about Dasaratha's decision to exile Rama, he was somewhat furious. (13 words)
AFTER: When Lakshmana heard about Dasaratha's decision to exile Rama, he was furious. (12 words)
For more strategies to use in reducing your word count while improving your writing, see this list: Short and Sweet Writing Strategies.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Writing TIp: Crafting Your Story Titles
You'll be writing titles for your blog posts starting already in the first week of class, and then you'll be creating a title for your Storybook project, along with titles for the stories in your Storybook. Here are some title options and styles to ponder:
It is very common for a title to contain two parts, a main title and a subtitle, with a colon separating the two parts. Consider this Storybook title for example:
When Brothers Cross Paths: A Story About How the Winchesters Meet the Brothers Grimm
Here the main title is more suggestive than specific, and then the subtitle explains what the Storybook is actually about. It's a really good idea to use a subtitle, especially if you want to use something suggestive and unusual as your main title.
In a Google Site, you can use the main title as the "Site Title," while using the subtitle as the name of your homepage. You can see how that works at the When Brothers Cross Paths Storybook, with "When Brothers Cross Paths" at the top of each story page, with the story title appearing below: When Brothers Cross Paths: Gimme Shelter.
For specific information about how titles work at Google Sites, see this page: Site Titles and Page Titles at Google Sites.
Most blog post assignments for this class have a generic type of title I need you to use so that people reading your blog can quickly scan to find the posts they are looking for. So, for example, "Storytelling for Week 5" as the blog post main title will lead people to the right assignment for the right week when they scan your blog. You can then add a more specific title as the subtitle, providing an actual title for your own post. Here's an example: Storytelling for Week 6: Ravana's Rude Awakening.
Most of the time, you'll want to use a special capitalization style for your titles. One common style is to capitalize the first word of a title or a subtitle, and then to capitalize all the other words, with the exception of articles ("the," "a," "an") and very short prepositions. This is a stylistic choice, however, and you might decide to use a different style. For more about possible style options, see this Grammar Girl post: Capitalizing Titles. Some people prefer other title styles, so you can explore and decide what style you like best. The most important thing, as Grammar Girl says, is to be consistent. Make sure, for example, that you use the same title capitalization style for each of the stories in your Storybook. That way, the titles will look nice together in your navigation panel, as you can see in this screenshot of the Brothers Storybook:
Storybook: Main Title and Subtitle
It is very common for a title to contain two parts, a main title and a subtitle, with a colon separating the two parts. Consider this Storybook title for example:
When Brothers Cross Paths: A Story About How the Winchesters Meet the Brothers Grimm
Here the main title is more suggestive than specific, and then the subtitle explains what the Storybook is actually about. It's a really good idea to use a subtitle, especially if you want to use something suggestive and unusual as your main title.
In a Google Site, you can use the main title as the "Site Title," while using the subtitle as the name of your homepage. You can see how that works at the When Brothers Cross Paths Storybook, with "When Brothers Cross Paths" at the top of each story page, with the story title appearing below: When Brothers Cross Paths: Gimme Shelter.
For specific information about how titles work at Google Sites, see this page: Site Titles and Page Titles at Google Sites.
Blog Posts: Two-Part Title
Most blog post assignments for this class have a generic type of title I need you to use so that people reading your blog can quickly scan to find the posts they are looking for. So, for example, "Storytelling for Week 5" as the blog post main title will lead people to the right assignment for the right week when they scan your blog. You can then add a more specific title as the subtitle, providing an actual title for your own post. Here's an example: Storytelling for Week 6: Ravana's Rude Awakening.
Title Capitalization
Most of the time, you'll want to use a special capitalization style for your titles. One common style is to capitalize the first word of a title or a subtitle, and then to capitalize all the other words, with the exception of articles ("the," "a," "an") and very short prepositions. This is a stylistic choice, however, and you might decide to use a different style. For more about possible style options, see this Grammar Girl post: Capitalizing Titles. Some people prefer other title styles, so you can explore and decide what style you like best. The most important thing, as Grammar Girl says, is to be consistent. Make sure, for example, that you use the same title capitalization style for each of the stories in your Storybook. That way, the titles will look nice together in your navigation panel, as you can see in this screenshot of the Brothers Storybook:
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Resource: John Spencer's Writing Prompts
John Spencer is one of my favorite education bloggers, and I especially enjoy his writing prompts. In this blog post, he provides some writing prompts that he shares with his students at the beginning of the semester. I especially like this one about hacking school!
.jpg)
And here are two of his superhero prompts:
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Comma Splice (Run-On Sentence)
A run-on sentence is when you have two (or more) independent clauses that are run together in a single sentence. You can use conjunctions to coordinate the clauses (see below) or you can use some creative punctuation (again, see below) — but you cannot just use a comma. A comma is not enough to join two independent clauses into a single sentence. When you try to use a comma to coordinate two independent clauses, the result is called a "comma splice" because the comma is being used to splice the two clauses together, and that is a task that the poor old comma cannot handle.
This sentence, for example, is a comma splice:
Robin Hood lived in Sherwood Forest, he was an outlaw.
Do you see the two independent clauses? Independent clauses are statements that can stand on their own as complete sentences, having both a subject and a verb:
SEPARATE SENTENCES. You can break the run-on sentence up into two separate sentences.
A better solution, however, is to find a way to express the close connection between the two sentences verbally. You can express the connection with a conjunction, either a coordinating conjunction like "and," "but," or "or" (putting the two statements on an equal level to each other) or a subordinating conjunction (which makes one statement into the main clause, while the other clause is secondary to it).
COORDINATING CONJUNCTION. When you join two independent clauses with a coordinating conjunction, you need to use a comma before the conjunction:
SUBORDINATING CONJUNCTION. When you use a subordinating conjunction, you have to decide which is the main clause and which is the subordinate clause.
The main clause does not have to come first, as you can see by comparing the two sentences below. In the first sentence, the main clause comes first, but in the second example the subordinate clause comes first and is separated from the main clause by a comma:
SEMICOLON. Finally, another way to express the close connection between two statements is to join them with a semicolon. Unlike a comma, a semicolon does indeed have the power to coordinate two independent clauses:
Comma splices and other kinds of run-on sentences are probably the single most common type of writing error that I see in the Storybooks. I hope these notes can help you to find and fix the comma splices in your own writing. If you have ideas about how I can improve the information provided here, please let me know!
This sentence, for example, is a comma splice:
Robin Hood lived in Sherwood Forest, he was an outlaw.
Do you see the two independent clauses? Independent clauses are statements that can stand on their own as complete sentences, having both a subject and a verb:
- Robin Hood lived in Sherwood Forest.
- He was an outlaw.
SEPARATE SENTENCES. You can break the run-on sentence up into two separate sentences.
- Robin Hood lived in Sherwood Forest. He was an outlaw.
A better solution, however, is to find a way to express the close connection between the two sentences verbally. You can express the connection with a conjunction, either a coordinating conjunction like "and," "but," or "or" (putting the two statements on an equal level to each other) or a subordinating conjunction (which makes one statement into the main clause, while the other clause is secondary to it).
COORDINATING CONJUNCTION. When you join two independent clauses with a coordinating conjunction, you need to use a comma before the conjunction:
- Robin Hood lived in Sherwood Forest, and he was an outlaw.
- Robin Hood was an outlaw, but he stole only from the rich and gave to the poor.
- You might have heard the story of how Robin Hood first met Little John, or perhaps that story is new to you.
SUBORDINATING CONJUNCTION. When you use a subordinating conjunction, you have to decide which is the main clause and which is the subordinate clause.
The main clause does not have to come first, as you can see by comparing the two sentences below. In the first sentence, the main clause comes first, but in the second example the subordinate clause comes first and is separated from the main clause by a comma:
- Robin Hood lived in Sherwood Forest because he was an outlaw.
- Because he was an outlaw, Robin Hood lived in Sherwood Forest.
SEMICOLON. Finally, another way to express the close connection between two statements is to join them with a semicolon. Unlike a comma, a semicolon does indeed have the power to coordinate two independent clauses:
- Robin Hood lived in Sherwood Forest; he was an outlaw.
Comma splices and other kinds of run-on sentences are probably the single most common type of writing error that I see in the Storybooks. I hope these notes can help you to find and fix the comma splices in your own writing. If you have ideas about how I can improve the information provided here, please let me know!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The Ten Rules of Quoted Speech
Unlike other kinds of writing you might do for school, storytelling thrives on quoted speech, also known as direct speech. In a traditional academic paper, indirect speech is the norm, but in a story it's easier and more natural to let the characters speak for themselves. So, if you are writing a story, you'll probably be using at least some direct speech. I hope this page will help you feel confident to do that, and if you have any questions that I have not answered here, please let me know!
Direct versus indirect. Direct speech means we get to hear the words as they come directly from the mouth of the character. In indirect speech, the words are reported in a subordinate clause. Direct speech uses quotation marks; indirect speech does not. If you compare direct versus indirect speech in these examples, I think you will see that direct speech is more clear, more succinct — and more alive!
As these examples show, indirect speech has complicated rules for how to change the verbs and pronouns from the direct statement into their indirect restatement. When you use direct speech, you don't have to change the words, but you do have to know how to use the punctuation marks that separate the quoted words from the rest of the story. The rules below explain just how to do that:
Rule #1: Use quotation marks for all direct speech.
When someone's words are repeated exactly as that person said or wrote them, you need to put those words in quotation marks:
Rule #2: Quotation marks are used in pairs.
There is an opening quotation mark that comes before the first word of the quoted speech, and then there is a closing quotation mark that comes after the last word of the quoted speech.
Rule #3: The first word of a quoted sentence is capitalized.
In quoted speech, just as in other forms of writing, you capitalize the first word of every sentence:
Rule #4: You can include multiple sentences inside a single set of quotation marks.
As long as the character is speaking, you can keep on quoting those words inside the same set of quotation marks. Here is an example where there are three sentences inside the quotation marks:
Rule #5: When the QUOTED SPEECH comes AFTER the verb of speaking, you use a comma after the verb of speaking and before the quoted speech.
Here's an example that shows quoted speech after the verb of speaking, with a comma between the verb of speaking and the quoted speech:
Rule #6: When the QUOTED SPEECH comes BEFORE the verb of speaking and the final sentence of the quoted speech ends with a PERIOD, you replace the period at the end of the final quoted sentence with a comma.
Here is an example where the quoted speech, ending with a period, comes before the verb of speaking. The period at the end of the quoted speech changes to a comma:
Rule #7: When the QUOTED SPEECH comes BEFORE the verb of speaking and the final sentence of the quoted speech ends with an EXCLAMATION MARK or a QUESTION MARK, you do NOT replace the exclamation mark or question mark with a comma.
Instead of replacing the exclamation mark or question mark with a comma, you just leave it unchanged. Here's an example with an exclamation mark:
Rule #8: You can split a quoted sentence into two parts that are wrapped around the verb of speaking.
When the quoted sentence is split, you put a comma after the first chunk of quoted speech, and you also put a comma after the verb of speaking clause. Here is an example:
Rule #9: Punctuation marks for quoted speech always go inside the quotation marks, not outside.
Here are some examples:
Rule #10: After you have closed a quotation in one sentence, you need to use a new set of quotation marks for quoted speech in the next sentence.
When you have a quoted sentence (or sentences) together with a verb of speaking, that is a complete sentence. As a result, you need another set of quotation marks to indicate quoted speech in the next sentence. Here's an example of a complete sentence using quoted speech:
As for the tortoise and the hare, I am sure you know what happened: the hare was not just confident — he was overconfident, and the tortoise turned out to be the winner of the race. Slow and steady wins the race. It applies to writing too: slow down, proofread, and make sure you are using the correct punctuation for the quoted speech in your stories. It's a winning strategy! :-)
Direct versus indirect. Direct speech means we get to hear the words as they come directly from the mouth of the character. In indirect speech, the words are reported in a subordinate clause. Direct speech uses quotation marks; indirect speech does not. If you compare direct versus indirect speech in these examples, I think you will see that direct speech is more clear, more succinct — and more alive!
| INDIRECT | DIRECT | |
| The hare said that he would challenge the tortoise to a race. | The hare said, "I will challenge the tortoise to a race!" | |
| The hare thought that he could beat the tortoise easily. | The hare thought, "I can beat the tortoise easily!" | |
| The hare asked the tortoise whether he would agree to a race. | The hare asked the tortoise, "Will you agree to a race?" |
As these examples show, indirect speech has complicated rules for how to change the verbs and pronouns from the direct statement into their indirect restatement. When you use direct speech, you don't have to change the words, but you do have to know how to use the punctuation marks that separate the quoted words from the rest of the story. The rules below explain just how to do that:
Rule #1: Use quotation marks for all direct speech.
When someone's words are repeated exactly as that person said or wrote them, you need to put those words in quotation marks:
- The hare said, "I will challenge the tortoise to a race."
- The hare thought, "I know I can beat the tortoise easily!"
- The tortoise pondered for a moment, grinned, and nodded slowly. "I accept your offer, Mr. Hare."
When you are writing dialogue, you will need to decide on the best mix of dialogue tags (words like "said," "asked," etc.) and dialogue beats (words that describe the action). Either way, the quoted words still go inside quotation marks.
Rule #2: Quotation marks are used in pairs.
There is an opening quotation mark that comes before the first word of the quoted speech, and then there is a closing quotation mark that comes after the last word of the quoted speech.
- The hare said to the tortoise, "You are so slow that I will beat you very easily."
In some fonts, you can see a slightly different shape used for the opening and closing quotation marks:
- The hare said to the tortoise, “You are so slow that I will beat you very easily.”
Rule #3: The first word of a quoted sentence is capitalized.
In quoted speech, just as in other forms of writing, you capitalize the first word of every sentence:
- "When should we do it?" asked the tortoise.
- The tortoise asked, "When should we do it?"
The word "When" is capitalized because it is the first word of a quoted sentence, even though it is not the first word of the main sentence.
Rule #4: You can include multiple sentences inside a single set of quotation marks.
As long as the character is speaking, you can keep on quoting those words inside the same set of quotation marks. Here is an example where there are three sentences inside the quotation marks:
- The hare said to the tortoise, "You are so slow that I will beat you very easily. In fact, I feel sorry for you because you are so slow. I know I will defeat you!"
Rule #5: When the QUOTED SPEECH comes AFTER the verb of speaking, you use a comma after the verb of speaking and before the quoted speech.
Here's an example that shows quoted speech after the verb of speaking, with a comma between the verb of speaking and the quoted speech:
- The hare said to the tortoise, "I challenge you to a race!"
Rule #6: When the QUOTED SPEECH comes BEFORE the verb of speaking and the final sentence of the quoted speech ends with a PERIOD, you replace the period at the end of the final quoted sentence with a comma.
Here is an example where the quoted speech, ending with a period, comes before the verb of speaking. The period at the end of the quoted speech changes to a comma:
- "I accept your challenge," the tortoise replied.
Rule #7: When the QUOTED SPEECH comes BEFORE the verb of speaking and the final sentence of the quoted speech ends with an EXCLAMATION MARK or a QUESTION MARK, you do NOT replace the exclamation mark or question mark with a comma.
Instead of replacing the exclamation mark or question mark with a comma, you just leave it unchanged. Here's an example with an exclamation mark:
- "I challenge you to a race!" the hare said to the tortoise.
- "When should we do it?" asked the hare.
Rule #8: You can split a quoted sentence into two parts that are wrapped around the verb of speaking.
When the quoted sentence is split, you put a comma after the first chunk of quoted speech, and you also put a comma after the verb of speaking clause. Here is an example:
- "I challenge you," the hare said, "to a race!"
Rule #9: Punctuation marks for quoted speech always go inside the quotation marks, not outside.
Here are some examples:
- Period: "I accept your challenge."
- Comma: "I accept your challenge," replied the tortoise.
- Question Mark: "When should we do it?" asked the hare.
- Exclamation Mark: "I challenge you to a race!" the hare said to the tortoise.
Rule #10: After you have closed a quotation in one sentence, you need to use a new set of quotation marks for quoted speech in the next sentence.
When you have a quoted sentence (or sentences) together with a verb of speaking, that is a complete sentence. As a result, you need another set of quotation marks to indicate quoted speech in the next sentence. Here's an example of a complete sentence using quoted speech:
- "I challenge you to a race!" the hare said to the tortoise.
- "I challenge you to a race!" the hare said to the tortoise. "You are so slow that I will beat you very easily. In fact, I feel sorry for you already because I know you will lose."
~ ~ ~
As for the tortoise and the hare, I am sure you know what happened: the hare was not just confident — he was overconfident, and the tortoise turned out to be the winner of the race. Slow and steady wins the race. It applies to writing too: slow down, proofread, and make sure you are using the correct punctuation for the quoted speech in your stories. It's a winning strategy! :-)
(image source)
Note: There are some other uses of quotation marks in English, such as "scare quotes" and the use of quotation marks with the titles of short works, like short stories or poems (Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven," for example). Some of those other uses of quotation marks have different rules than the rules listed below. If you are looking for more information about all the different uses of quotation marks in English, Purdue OWL's Quotation Mark pages are very useful.
* * *
Due to the enormous number of spam comments by spellchecking and grammarcheck companies (a curse upon them all!), I have shut down comments on this post.
* * *
Due to the enormous number of spam comments by spellchecking and grammarcheck companies (a curse upon them all!), I have shut down comments on this post.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Quoted Speech: Paragraphs
When quoted words extend over more than one paragraph, you do not close the quote. Instead, put a new open quotation mark at the beginning of the second (or third or fourth) paragraph; that way the reader knows the same person is still speaking. Then, when the quote is finally over, you close the quote.
Here is an example of this use of quotation marks for quoted speech that extends over more than one paragraph:
Here you see Orpheus leading Eurydice out of the underworld; visit Wikipedia for more information.
Here is an example of this use of quotation marks for quoted speech that extends over more than one paragraph:
Orpheus's bride, Eurydice, died on their wedding day. Stricken with grief, he went down into the kingdom of the dead and persuaded Hades to return Eurydice to the land of the living. Hades agreed, but on one condition: Orpheus had to lead Eurydice out of the underworld without looking back to see her.
Orpheus began the journey with great joy. "Dear Eurydice," he said, "I could not live without you. Praise the gods for your deliverance! Just follow me, and we will return to the land of the living. (quote remains open)For more information, see the Rules of Quoted Speech.
"Have no fear! As we leave this gloomy world behind us, I will play for you on my lyre. Yes, I will sing a song of love for you, my beloved bride, and you will follow behind me, step by step. With words of joy, I will praise the gods for their gift of life." Yet as Orpheus began to sing, he realized that he had lost the power of song.
"Oh no!" he exclaimed. "What is happening? Somehow I cannot bring myself to sing in this darkness. I feel no joy in this gloomy mist; all I know is fear. (quote remains open)
"Dear Eurydice, are you there? Speak to me, my darling! Eurydice! Can you hear me? Are you there?" At that moment, Orpheus turned back . . . and lost his Eurydice forever.
Here you see Orpheus leading Eurydice out of the underworld; visit Wikipedia for more information.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)